Me and George have been looking to move closer to Leeds, as his job and my degree are both around that area and, to be honest I’m ready for a taste of city life after living in the same place for my whole life (apart from my first year in halls, ugh). House-hunting turns you into a completely different person, and to be honest I haven’t slept properly since we started. The IKEA website becomes your new bff, and you’re suddenly interested in DIY and council tax and energy ratings. You won’t realise you’ve changed until someone asks you a very adult question like ‘What council tax band is this house?’ and you’ll reply at the drop of a hat before thinking ‘What?! When did this happen? When did I become an adult?’ Yep, it happened, and you didn’t even realise it. Poor thing.
1. Is this house Pinterest-worthy enough? I mean, if I’m going to become Queen of Pinterest then I need a quirky bay window big enough to make a DIY window seat, obvs.
2. How many hours of sun does the garden get? Because I’m going to spend every waking hour of summer out there being all classy with my glass of Chardonnay and ginormous sunglasses. Apart from when it rains. OK, I’m going to go out there for an hour one afternoon before deciding it’s far too cold and there’s too many insects.
3. This spare room would be perfect for my walk-in wardrobe/office I’ll never use but will Instagram the hell out of.
4. I should try to pretend to know things about boilers, energy ratings and council tax, but all I really want to know is if anyone is going to rob me/play heavy metal at 3 in the morning.
5. *Upon pulling up outside* Ewwww, this house does not look like the pictures at all, can I just drive away again and pretend I got lost?
6. If I go far enough under the asking price, maybe I can afford to put in a corner bath/kitchen island/extension for storing my shoes collection.
7. This kitchen is gorgeous. Maybe I’d actually cook if we move here? I could get an AGA and become a proper housewife, or at least pretend I am…
8. Wait, did they just mention primary schools? I’m expected to have children whilst living here? Oh God, I haven’t even worked out how to use that new iron I bought, I’m not ready for this *has quarter-life crisis in a stranger’s house*
9. I’m 99.9% sure that this ‘loft conversion’ was done by someone with no knowledge of building. I’m just gonna walk slowly back downstairs and hope I don’t get electrocuted/fall through the floor/die.
10. I know there won’t be any furniture here when we move in and I can decorate how I want, but the house with the swanky furniture and pretty bedding looks much more impressive when showing it to friends/the postman/the old lady on the bus than the house that looks like it teleported from the 70’s…
11. ‘Just because your offer’s been accepted, doesn’t mean you’ve definitely got the house’ ‘Duh, of course I know that’ offer falls through *cries into the new scatter cushions you bought for your south-facing master bedroom with ensuite*
12. Oh, I’m sorry, that’s the second bedroom? Oh yes, I’m sure no one will mind rolling out of bed and straight into the hallway. It’ll be a laugh.
13. Damn, you really can’t get location and a beautiful house unless you have unlimited money. Should’ve listened to my parents/older friends/people who think they know everything about buying a property.
14. I’ve spent more time on Pinterest in the past few weeks than I spent on my entire degree. Maybe that’s why I can’t afford the marble kitchen island I wanted…
15. Moving house is so bloody expensive, maybe I should just stay put at home until I am officially of crazy cat lady age and my parents take pity on me and just buy me a house. Yeah, good plan.
