This week, I thought I’d try something different. I love reading lists on Buzzfeed etc, that are just so relatable they make you laugh out loud. Hannah Gale is brilliant at writing lists that every 20-something can empathise with, and I thought ‘I can do that!’ So why not? This list is one very close to my heart, as I wouldn’t necessarily class myself as an awkward person, but I definitely do some very awkward things. Maybe I’m the only person to do these things, but I’m almost certain that other people will be able to relate to a few of these- you’ve all cringed at your own actions at one point or another- don’t deny it. We all know that feeling. If you don’t, then enjoy an insight into my awkward life.
10 Awkward Things That Everyone Does (Probably)
- Ignore people they sort of know, but don’t really know. Maybe you had a class with them in high school, once or twice. You might have had a laugh, but at the end of the day you were forced together and weren’t friends by choice. Now- do you bite the bullet and grin and bare the awkward ‘Hi, how are you?’ scenario? Of course you don’t. You would rather pull your scarf over your face and shrink back into your turtle shell.
- Overthink the sensitive tweet/text/comment you just sent.
There’s nothing worse than thinking what to say in a bad situation, like when a friend has broken up with their boyfriend/lost a family member/lost a limb/lost their iPhone on the same day they bought it. Do you try to be positive and convince them everything will be okay? Maybe they don’t want to hear that- maybe they want to wallow in their own self-pity and maybe they want to drag you in with them so you can massage their sad feelings. Whatever you said, it was probably wrong, but if the friend isn’t a completely irrational bitch, they’ll probably appreciate the effort and thank you for playing.
- Smile, nod and laugh at whatever someone just said, and hope it was the right response. Because you don’t have time to listen to everything- there are other things going on in your brain- God!
- Immediately switch to the concerned, serious ‘hmm’ and shake head if the previous response is met with confusion from the speaker.
There’s not really a plan B if this is also met with confusion- you may have to admit that you weren’t listening to them and that you’re an ignorant bitch who was thinking about shoes/makeup/a pug on horseback instead.
- Trip up over your own feet whilst walking, pretend like it was totally deliberate, swish your hair and carry on like a boss.
Everyone saw you, but it’s fine. You may have tripped over your own foot, unlike a normal person who would have the foresight to trip over something actually on the floor so they can tut at it, but it’s totally cool. Because everyone has done this, and everyone feels like an utter fool. You have their sympathy, whether you want it or not.
- Start to cross the road in a daydream, get beeped at by the car that almost ran you over, then return to the pavement in shame, to the disgust of your fellow pedestrians.
They’ve done it too, but they will judge you as ‘the ignorant youth of today’ nonetheless- even if they’re younger than you.
- Be convinced the girl at the Benefit counter is your new BFF after she tells you how great that blusher, lipstick, eyeliner, brow pencil and foundation look on you, then almost forget you’re actually now expected to buy all these things.
Why would she lie? You’re totally besties now, she just wants what’s best for you. Take my money, take all of it- you know what you’re talking about, new best friend.
- Pretend like you know what middle-aged people are talking about when they refer to a celebrity/politician/TV show from the 70s and make a joke about it, then they call you out for laughing when you obviously have no idea who it is.
What’s a girl gotta do to be accepted? Can someone talk about Kim Kardashian’s hair instead? That you know about.
- Doing the ‘Aww, no you’re not!’ routine with a friend when they say they’re fat, and they actually have gained more than a few pounds and probably shouldn’t have just eaten that ginormous sweet-covered pizza, covered in chocolate sauce and chocolate buttons and chocolate.
Are you being a good friend if you tell her to try some fruit salad? No. Eat the pizza with her and carry on living the lie. Who’s the real winner here? You now have chocolate pizza too.
- Think of an amazing comeback to someone just a little bit too late, but being so proud of your badass banter skills that you say it anyway and no one gets it.
Move on, you can still be Queen of the Banter in your mind. Go eat some more chocolate pizza.
If you can relate to any of these, then I hope I’ve made you feel slightly less weird. Please let me know in the comments! What do you think to this type of post? I’d love ideas for some more!